Archive for the ‘stuff’ Category

Posted by fletcherism at 5 August 2010

Category: fletcherism, stuff

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Glenda was thinking about having her breasts enlarged as a present to her husband (and to herself) for their 20th anniversary. She called around and asked after various plastic surgeons in the area, finally deciding on a doctor who came highly recommended. She was nervous as she waited for him, but soon discovered she needn’t have been: he couldn’t have been nicer.

The doctor, one Brevin Alger, was very experienced and professional. He explained that he typically warned his patients against rushing into the surgery. He told Glenda that he recommended watching a brief documentary on the procedure that would explain it in great detail. Furthermore, he advised all of his breast-surgery candidates to take home some temporary fit-over, false-breasts to try out so her exact, preferred size could be determined.

The falsies, Glenda was pleased to discover, looked very natural and fit her like a second skin. She thanked the doctor and set up a follow-up appointment for two-weeks hence. She walked to her car with a box full of fake breasts of varying sizes and drove home.

Glenda was only two blocks from home when the truck t-boned her car. She suffered only minor injuries and was released from the hospital a few hours later. Her husband, Antoine, drove her to the mechanic where her insurance company had her car towed to.

The Passat was a total loss. She pulled what she could from the car and realized with growing dread that the box full of the interim-bosoms was nowhere in sight. She searched fruitlessly for several more minutes and even asked the man tending the garage if he had seen any trace of the box. He hadn’t. She left.

When she returned home, she called Dr. Alger’s office and explained what had happened. The office manager wasn’t without sympathy, but she explained to Glenda that the loaner-boobs would have to be paid for, and suggested that she call her insurance company and see if her coverage might help out.

Glenda took the advice and spoke to her agent, who then told her she would have to do some checking and then call her back. The phone rang about an hour later. Glenda anxiously inquired about the coverage, to which her agent replied:

“I am sorry, but your policy clearly states that there is no remittance for Short-Term Mammary-Loss.”

Posted by smellanie at 25 July 2010

Category: fake news, fletcherism, smellanie, stuff

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Hey, readers! We want to make sure that all four of you know we are currently in sunny San Diego for Comic Con 2010! We have a veritable shitload of pictures and stories to share, but we are entirely too fucking tired to do it all right now. We promise updates and pics when we get back to the nice cool forest we call home.

Here is a little sample for you! It’s Canadian Mister T as rendered by Joel Watson of Hijinks Ensue:

Posted by smellanie at 12 July 2010

Category: smellanie, stuff

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Well, now you can date European women.  Just check out the amazing European hotness:

Not convinced?  How about now:

I’m very happy for this European woman and her acceptance of her non-traditional looks, but I’m not sure if this is what the advertiser really was going for.  What do ya’ll think?

Posted by fletcherism at 7 May 2010

Category: fletcherism, stuff

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I saw this while buying Melanie’s birthday shirt

Posted by fletcherism at 1 May 2010

Category: fletcherism, stuff

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This seems too risky.

Posted by smellanie at 8 April 2010

Category: smellanie, stuff

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I’m getting a little tired of all this human noise…what can I say?

Posted by smellanie at 1 April 2010

Category: smellanie, stuff

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I decided a while back on forums and stuff to put my location as “your dad’s house”. I’m a girl, so “your mom” jokes seem sort of inappropriate coming from me. Thus, your dad’s house. Why the house? No idea.

Posted by smellanie at 26 March 2010

Category: smellanie, stuff

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We would like to assure our huge fanbase that while nonsense has recently undergone a facelift, it’s just New Look, Same Old Taste!

Posted by smellanie at 26 March 2010

Category: prose, smellanie, stuff

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Fucking pigs, thought Regina as she walked past the construction site.

She could feel their eyes on her from two blocks away.  Instantly, she had felt a deep rage build within her, rising up through her belly and constricting her throat with an amazing amount of force.

Now, now, she told herself.  You’ve got to calm down or it’s going to be so much worse.

She knew she was more noticeable when she was emotional.  If she could make herself devoid of emotion, it would be like being invisible.

Ten deep breaths later, she began again to walk towards the construction site, feeling herself growing more calm with each step.  She regulated her breathing so that its rhythym exactly matched that of her stride.  She even heard herself counting, in a soft voice, in her own head.

One…two…three…four…

The click of her heels on the pavement reminded her a little of a song she had heard earlier in the day, and another voice in her head began to hum it, while she still continued counting.

She felt herself beginning to smile, forgetting for a moment her drive to try and appear stoic and apathetic.  And then suddenly she realized, what the fuck how can there be two voices in my brain?

what?

huh…who are you?

I’m you, doofus!  Who else would I be!

I dunno…a ghost…or maybe another personality…

Can’t I be the Devil?

Well, sure, I don’t see why not, but seriously I don’t believe in that shit.

I know you don’t, duh.  I already told you I’m you.

Oh my god, I’m going fucking crazy!

Mostly likely, yes, but also, seriously, you should watch where you’re going.

When the construction workers finally noticed her five hours later, they wondered how they hadn’t seen her walk into the construction site.  She had, after all, fallen in a huge hole in the sidewalk and at least 20 feet into a tunnel they had dug under the street.  They concluded that she had to have been invisible, joking at first, but then later wondering if that really had been the case after all.  A few of them were even convinced that she had been invisible, but they didn’t share these opinions with their co-workers, but kept them locked up tight, for sharing only with spouses or mistresses, or even a gigalo in the case of Mrs. Jacobsen, late at night, just before sleep stole them away.

Oh, and it totally was the fucking Devil.  Awesome, huh?

Posted by fletcherism at 26 March 2010

Category: comics, stuff

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I don’t think I will ever be able to drink/smoke enough of anything to properly explain how this inside joke started or why it is the funniest thing you will ever see.

I know it doesn’t FEEL like it is the funniest thing ever, but I assure you: it IS.

Or not.

nonsense: some of which rhymes is using WP-Gravatar