Sea-Monster (for Melanie)
A very silly song based on a running gag between Melanie and I. Contains samples from the TV Show "Duck-Tales" and is of questionable quality.
Remixfingers
An edited-for-file-size version of a improvised song originally called "Bitchfingers".
Remixfingers
photoshop phriday is hilarious
Something Awful's Photoshop Phriday today features hilariousness inspired by reCaptcha text (those things where you have two type in a couple of words to prove that you are human). It's got stuff like this, only way better:
For the good stuff, go HERE.
Chocolate Milk Day
It just so happened to be that today was Millicent's favorite day of the week.
"Today is chocolate milk day!" she told her mother before leaving the house to go wait for the bus.
"Yes, dear," her mother intoned as she handed her a pink metal lunchpail emblazoned with Barbie and Ken enjoying a stroll through the pinkest, most glitter-filled park her mother has ever seen depicted anywhere outside of her own nightmares.
Millicent paid no mind to her mother's emotionless response. She was quite accustomed her mother's lack of excitement at this point in her life. She had never known her mother to care about much of anything, but her enthusiasm was not diminished. It was chocolate milk day, after all!
Millicent waited for the bus patiently, a wide smile on her face. She hummed a simple tune to herself, occasionally singing outloud (albeit very quietly) "it's choc-o-late milk day" and then returning to humming.
Finally, the bus pulled up. The doors creaked open, and Millicent stepped up, smiling at the driver.
"Good morning, Missus Gunderson," she said as she boarded the bus, "today is chocolate milk day!"
Mrs. Gunderson ignored her, as she ignored all children most of the time, and pulled the bus door shut with an extended grunt and a quick fart that no one heard. Millicent went to her usual seat.
Behind her sat Betty Sue Maris. Betty Sue was a year ahead of Millicent in school, but she looked like she should have been on the bus to the junior high. She was easily a foot taller than Millicent, and as mean as a hive of bees that had been struck by lightning.
"What are you so happy about, twerp?" asked Betty Sue angrily.
"Why, it's chocolate milk day!" replied Millicent happily.
"Whatever," said Betty Sue as she bonked Millicent on the back of the head with her math book repeatedly, as she usually did during their ride to school.
It was exactly three hours later that Mrs. Dressley, the playground aide, noticed a commotion in a corner of the playground during 5th and 6th grade recess. A slowly milling circle of children had formed...never a good sign. Mrs. Dressley ran towards the mass of children as quickly as her short legs would take her, raising her whistle to her lips in case she needed to sound the alarm.
She pushed through the crowd. She was surprised to find that the children moved out of her way with very little resistance, almost as if they had been drugged. This was not a normal playground fight, she realized with mounting confusion.
When she reached the center of the mob and looked down to the ground, she found that her jaw went slack, and no words immediately came to her mouth. She dropped her whistle, and the breath she had been drawing in to blow it escaped from her lips in a quiet whistle. Mrs. Dressley could not recall a time in all of her ten years as a playground aide that she had been at a complete loss as to what to do.
There, before her, was Millicent Kersley, her pigtails slightly disheveled. Millicent's face bore a garish and exaggerated grin. Underneath Millicent, pinned to the ground, lay Betty Sue Maris, face-down. Millicent had her left hand entwined in Betty Sue's mousy brown hair, and was repeatedly dunking her face in a large, sloppy mud puddle and shouting "TODAY IS MY FAVORITE DAY! IT'S CHOCOLATE MILK DAY, BITCH! DRINK IT UP!"
